WRESTLING FUN

Barney Paul, the announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the wrestling match of the century for the super heaveyweight wrestling championship of the world between the champion, Gus (the Crusher) Maywether, who's 6'4" and 265 lbs. of solid muscle and his challenger, an amazing female wrestling sensation, Amanda McTavish, who's an incredible 6'8" and an extremely muscular 220 lbs. and, besides being absolutely gorgeous, is the only woman who has been able to compete successfully in the super heavyweight division. And now to my partner and color commentator, Lucas Farmer."

Lucas Farmer, color commentator: "Thanks., Barney! 'Compete successfully' may be the understatement of the night! She has literally destroyed every other wrestler in the division! She took out the number one challenger, Killer Kowalczyk in less than 5 minutes, and they had to carry him out of the ring! I can guarantee you that the Crusher, who is one of the strongest men in the world, is going to have his hands full with this lady."

Barney: "The two combatants meet in the center of the ring and clasp hands in the ritual test of strength, and, incredibly, it looks like Amanda is getting the best of it! Gus is straining for all he's worth, but she seems completely relaxed, is actually smiling down at him, and is slowly bending his arms back! I have to wonder how strong this lady really is! If this is an indication of how this match is going to go, we may well have a new champion tonight!"

Lucas: "You're right, Barney. As strong as he is, he doesn't look like he can do anything against her!"

Barney: "Oh oh! We may have spoken too soon. The Crusher did an end around and got behind her and is administering his famous 'Crusher Hug'!"

Lucas: "Yeah, but look at Amanda! She's got her hands on her hips and she doesn't look like she even feels the pressure. Even worse, Gus is trying with all his might to lift her off the mat, and he can't!"

Barney: "That's crazy, Lucas! She only weighs 220 lbs.. and I've seen Gus lift twice that much!"

Lucas: "I've talked to her about it. It's a martial arts kind of thing. She told me that if you concentrate real hard and think 'down' nobody can lift you without a fork lift!"

Barney: "Wow!"

Barney: "My God! Lucas, you had it right! She's put her hands over his and, apparently without any real effort at all, simply spread his arms away from her body. I think she's even laughing at him, and Gus looks like he's in agony!"

Lucas:"Barney, "I think this is going to be one of the most one sided matches we've ever seen! Anyone who ever thought women were the weaker sex has never seen this lady! If what we're seeeing is any indication, I doubt there's a man in this world who could come close to matching her strength!"

Barney: "Even the ref looks like he can't believe what he's seeing! Come to think of it, neither can I!"

Barney: "Okay, Amanda turned him around so that his back is facing her with a simple maneuver forcing one arm over his head to turn him. Gus is trying to break free, but Amanda is holding him easily, and about all he succeeds in doing is putting too much strain on his shoulders and causing himself a lot of pain. Amanda seems in no hurry, so it's hard to tell what she has in mind, but it looks like she's slowly pulling him back toward her."

Lucas: "You know. Barney, I suspect that she could end this match any time she wants to. but she seems to be enjoying herself and may want to humiliate Gus to the point that he won't want a rematch."

Barney: "Lucas, after what she's doing to Gus I can't see any male wrestler wanting to get into the ring with this woman! She's literally crushing the Crusher!"

Barney: "Holy jumpin' moses! I can't believe this! She pulled Gus back against her, rekeased his hands, bent down and wrapped her long right arm all the way around his belly, pinning both his arms to his sides, and then lifted him right off the mat and is holding him in an unbelievably powerful one armed bear hug with just her right arm while she makes a show of examining her left hand's nails! Gus is kicking and struggling with all his might but is losing consciousness as she is slowly squeezing the air out of his lungs! And she doesn't look like she's even exerting herself! This is unbelievable!"

Lucas: "You can say that again, Barney! Looks like this match may be over after all!"

Barney: "Well, apparently Amanda hasn't finished with him yet! Gus was almost out when she released her hold, and he dropped face down on the mat! She's knelt down in front of him and has grasped the top of his head with one hand and--holy crap!--she's literaly lifting his limp, 265 lb. body off the mat by his head with just one hand without taking so much as a deep breath!"

Lucas: "Barney, I think this has stopped being a wrestling match. It looks like she's just going to play with him, and there is absolutely nothing he can do to stop her!:"

Barney: "I think I have to agree with you, Lucas. Right now she's just holding him up by his head with his feet barely touching the mat while he desperately tries to get his breath! He's just hanging there, not even trying to struggle at this point. The ref looks like he doesn't know what to do about this turn of events since she hasn't broken any rules--frankly, I wouldn't know either! Wonder what she's got in mind..."

Lucas: "Barney, she's been holding him up like that for several minutes, and I think she's just waiting until he gets his wind and his strength back so she can work on him some more. Right now he's like a rag doll in her hands, and working him over in this kind of shape might turn the crowd, which is cheering her on, off."

Barney: "Yeah, I think they know this match is over, so they're just waiting to see what she's gonna do with him next."

Barney: " My God, Lucas, now I've seen everything--at least up to now! She held him up off the mat with one hand for God knows how long until he'd recovered, then set him back down and grabbed his nose between her thumb, fore and middle fingers and is giving it a real hard tweak! And he's got her wrist in both his hands and can't dislodge her grip or even pull away! Jesus, is there anything this woman can't do with him? One of the strongest men in the world, and against her he's as helpless as a baby!"

Lucas: "You know, Barney, Gus has never been particularly well liked in the sport, and a lot of people will probably relish the idea of his getting his comeuppance. but, frankly, I'm beginning to feel a little sorry for him. She's really humiliating him big time!"

Barney: "Well, I keep saying that now I've seen everything and every time I do she comes up with something new This time she set him down, but, before he could get away, she covered his face with her right hand and lifted him right back off the mat and is holding his 265 lb. body at arm's length with no effort at all!. Moreover, it looks like she's pinched his nose between two fingers and is covering his mouth with her palm so he can't breathe! He's got both his hands on her wrist trying to dislodge her grip and can't budge it and is kicking and struggling like mad, and she doesn't even seem to notice it! If she keeps holding him like this for much longer she'll suffocate him!"

Lucas: "I really don't think she wants to kill him, Barney. She'll hold him like that until his struggles get weak and then release him. It's pretty obvious that she can do just about anything she wants to with him, and he's helpless to resist."

Barney: "As usual, you're right, Lucas. When he'd all but stopped struggling she dropped him to the mat, where he lay there gasping to get air. Then she knelt down, put just her forefinger under his chin and lifted him to his knees. She's saying something to him that we can't hear, but it's obviously making him furious! He's gathering his strength and is getting ready to attack her, perhaps try to catch her off guard."

Lucase: "Barney, I think this woman could beat him in her sleep!"

Barney: "Whoa! Gus came off the mat like a tiger, whirled around her and grabbed her in a headlock and is pounding her forehead with his left fist. His face is contorted; he's mad as hell! Looks like he may make a match out of this after all!"

Lucas: "Barney, take a look at her left hand coming up under his buttocks and then tell me if you still think she's in any trouble."

Barney: "Well, the ref looks happy. He must be pulling for Gus..."

Barney: "Oh oh! You were right again, Lucas. She grabbed him by his buttocks and, from the look on his face and the yelp I just heard she must have given them a pretty good squeeze, hard eneough to break the headlock! And he's up in the air again!"

Lucas: "Yup. And I have a feeling he's gonna stay up there for a while, at least until she decides enough is enough and pins him!"

Barney: "My God! She picked him up with just the palm of her left hand under his butt and now she's tossing all 265 lbs. of him over to her right hand! Neither he nor the ref can believe it! As a matter of fact, neither can I!"

Lucas: "After seeing what she's done to him so far, I can."

Barney: "The wonders just never seen to cease! Now she's holding him a good two feet off the mat, and he's literaly sitting on her right hand! I can't see for sure, but I'll bet her fingers are digging into his butt to hold him in place! And now, of all things, she's YAWNING to show how bored she is! That's gotta be an act!"

Lucas: "Act or no, I have a feeling that we're about to see some new things!"

Barney: "Jesus, Lucas, she twirled him around and tucked him under her right arm without letting him touch the mat, and now she's tearing off his trunks, leaving him completely naked! Thank God we're on cable Pay per View, or the FCC would be coming down on us with both feet! What do you think she's gonna do with him next?"

Lucas: "I have a feeling I know what's coming next, and Gus ain't gonna like it one little bit!"

Barney: "What?"

Lucas: "I think she's gonna spank him!"

Barney: "You gotta be kidding!"

 

Barney: "Right again, Lucas! I can't believe this! The super heavyweight wrestling chamtion of the world--well, soon to be ex-champion, anyway--getting his ass spanked by a WOMAN; admittedly a giant Amazon of a woman that I don't think any man would want to tangle with in anger, but still a woman! What's the world coming to, anyway?"

Lucas: "Glad you qualified that with 'in anger', Barney. I have a feeling a lot of guys wouldn't mind tangling with her for pleasure! Unfortunately for Gus, it doesn't look like he's one of 'em!"

Barney: "Yeah, she's really giving it to him, and he looks almost ready to cry!"

Barney: "Well. it looks like we're finally going to see some real wrestling for a change! She's now got him by the throat and the butt and has hoisted him up to hold him at full arm's length high over her head! Wonder what she's gonna do next, heave him into the crowd. If she wanted to, she looks like she could heave him all the way to the back row! Look at the muscles on that woman!"

Lucas: "I don't think so, Barney. I thiink she's having too much fun with him to let him go anytime soon. And I wouldn't be surprised if she decides to continue playing with him after the match!"

Barney: "Well, as usual, I spoke too soon. She's lowered him to lay him face up across her shoulders and is covering his mouth--no, his entire face!--with her right hand for the second time in this so-called match cutting off his air, and--holy moley!--she's grabbed his exposed penis with her left hand and--Jesus!--it looks like she's masturbating him! And he's kicking and struggling like mad and can't do a damned thing to stop her!"

Lucas: "Barney, in the kind of shape he's in and with his air cut off again, I think that's probably about the only thing she can't do to him!"

Barney: "Well, Gus has all but stopped struggling, just feebly writhing in her grip, so she's lifted him off her shoulders and now has him cradled in her arms like a child and, Lucas, I hate to say this, but even though he's just barely conscious, he's still got a massive erectiion. and she definitely has her eye on that part of his anatomy!"

Lucas: "God, I hope she doesn't decide to rape him on Pay per View!"

Barney: "Nope, she's got something else in mind! For God's sake, she;s tickling him! She's got him cradled in her arms like a child and is tickling his ribs with just the fore and middle fingers of her right hand, and he's convulsing and screaming in laughter and kicking and struggling with all his might, and he can't get away from her! One of the strongest men in the world. and this mighty woman is handling him like a child!"

Lucas: "Barney, I think we're getting close to the end of this match."

Barney: "You may be right again, Lucas! While she was still tickling his ribs, Amanda knelt down and laid Gus on his back on the mat and quickly put her right hand over his stomach to hold him down and then sat down next to him and resumed tickling him using only her right hand! And Gus still can't get away! He's kicking and struggling with all the strength he has left, and she's casually holding him in place and tickling his stomach with just her right hand! And she doesn't even seem to notice his struggles! This woman is just unbelievable!"

Lucas: :Unfortunately, I don''t think we're going to see much more of her in the ring. I can't see any man in the super heavyweight division wanting to get into the ring with this lady!"

 

Barney: "Well, she's tickled Gus to exhaustion, so now she's moved around to kneel behind his head and is administering the ultimate humiliation to him! She's pinning both his shoulders to the mat with just her two forefingers! And Gus is trying feebly to get up, but he can't! This so-called match is over!"

Lucas: "So-called match is right, Barney. I don't think we'll ever see the Crusher wrestle again. After this humiliation, his wrestling career is over!"

Barney: "Hers, too, I think. Like you said, no wrestler in the division will want to tangle with her! Oh, well, there's always Hollywood! They tell me there's a market for female superheroes out there, and she's certainly gorgeous enough to be a movie star. although her height would definitely be a problem."

Barney: "Well, there's a fitting end to this so-called match. The ref's too short to raise her hand, so she does it for him while having Gus securely tucked under her left arm! Gus seems to have revived enougn to kick and struggle, but, as usual, it's not doing him any good! Well, ladies and gentlemen, about all I can say about this event is that it's been different! I doubt we'll ever see it's like again! Lucas, take care, it's been great working with you."

Lucas: "Same here, Barney. And you sure called it right. This really has been the match of the century!"

THE END